Attack of the Lattes!

I have noticed a very disturbing trend: People attacking lattes. And the worst part is that these are well-intentioned individuals - those making financial appeals.

Typically, the attack takes this kind of form:

"Here's a very worthy cause (fill in a favorite worthy cause). All you have to do is donate a mere $15 a month to support it." (And, then, here's the justification). "Think of it as just giving up a latte each week."

I don't know how many times I've heard financial appeals in terms of lattes. I want to know, why do they attack lattes? Why don't they attack things that really are a waste, like bank fees. "Give $15/month. Think of it like paying your credit card on time and avoiding interest fees!" Or, how about movie popcorn? For a family of 4 you're talking $50 for popcorn and drinks. Talk about a extravagance!

And, the truth is, I don't want to give up my lattes! My hot-caffeinated beverages are very important to me! Life without lattes is not worth living, even if charities around the world go belly-up. First of all, it's a comforting ritual: Ah! The smell of coffee beans as I enter the shop in the morning; The nuanced beverage order, as the barista gives me a nod and a smile, noting my sophisticated choices; There's the pride as they yell out, " Venti Vanilla Latte, half-caf, 140 degrees, extra shot of espresso, for Duncan." I imagine everyone in the coffee shop is thinking, "Man, that guy knows how to order coffee (and perhaps, "I'm never going to name my kid Duncan")!"; I like adding the soothing spice, cinnamon; And then there's that first sip as the hot comforting liquid warms the body and, perhaps, even the soul.

Dear Mr. fund-raiser, are you saying you want to take all this away from me? Well, then, you are just plain mean. I'll give you $15/month, or more, if you just stop the attack of the lattes!

Further, the boost in productivity that my caffeinated beverage produces in me must translate into greater earnings in the long run, I'm sure. I'll give the extra to charity, already. I'll sell a pint of blood if I have to; Just keep away from my lattes! Trust me, the world will be better off for it.

Tricked! (Warning: an honest discussion of underpants may include material that is offensive to some. Please read with care).

I have recently grown quite fond of colored underwear. Having worn white briefs all my life, I thought I should do something different, especially because they are frequently on display. That's right! Ever since I joined my Masters Swim Club, changing in a locker room is a necessity and thus my undergarments are silently evaluated from time to time. (Brings back bad high school memories, doesn't it?) And, for me, the "tighty-whities" are vaguely embarrassing but colored underwear is very cool, and I found a very acceptable variety pack at the local Target store (featuring various blue, grey, and black options) and I purchased them. I am sure my swim-mates were quietly impressed.

Meanwhile, some of my older "tighty-whities" were getting worse-for-wear and I was "retiring" them regularly. Eventually, my underwear supplies got so low that I was running out of clean skivvies before the week-end laundry could refresh them. So, obviously, I need new ones and if I got new ones, I was going to get even more colored ones.

So, I trustingly went back to Target and found the underwear section, which was, thankfully, full of underpants but free of people. I began to inspect the various wears. Great to my surprise, they did not have my colored briefs in stock. Oh, no! What was I going to get? I need to say here that I am not a fan of boxers. There is a lot of unofficial PR trying to make boxers very cool but I don't support the "boxer" option because, frankly, they don't support me. Now there are some hybrids, boxer briefs, for example, but those are just too weird and what's the point! Then my eye caught a new product I had never seen before - Sporting Briefs. This was promising! They were colored, and, although I'm no superstar, I think I deserve an underpant that matches my active lifestyle. So, I bought them and brought them into my home.

A few days later, it was time to break open this new purchase. I chose one with a fancy blue checker-board design and put them on. I immediately sensed something was wrong but I couldn't put my finger on it at first. They were comfortable. They were supportive. They fit. Then I noticed! There was no fly! Was this going to be a problem? I don't know about you other gentlemen, but I don't really use the fly on my underpants, ever, but I was used to always having that as an option, should some special occasion arise. Reluctantly, I decided I could live with out the fly.

Next, I noticed that these Sporting Briefs were cut very high on the sides (like a Speedo swimsuit). Of course, these were obviously underpants for very active people, like me, and they needed to have a certain freedom of movement in the hip area. So, I guess that was OK.

As I was considering these various new developments, my wife walked in on me. "Wow," she said, "you bought panties!" Yes! It was true! It all added up now - colorful patterns, no fly, a "V" cut design- I had been tricked into buying male panties! Oh! The humiliation!

After the initial shock wore off, I grew to accept my feminized underpants. And I think my locker-room friends have too, because they haven't said a thing, at least not to my face.

Symbiotic Farming

Did any of you think about where your lunch came from?

Maybe your first thought is McDonalds, Subway, Taco Bell, Chick-Fil-A, Pizza Hut, or wherever you happen to be dining this afternoon. But where did those ingredients come from? Where were the animals raised? Where did the plants grow? Where were the minerals dug up?

Questions like this led Berkeley Professor, Michael Pollan, to write "The Omnivore's Dilemma." This is a fascinating book that explores the origins of four different meals. I heartily recommend it.

For me, the most interesting part of the book was the discussion of Polyface Farms. Polyface Farms is so organic that it calls itself "Beyond Organic" to distinguish itself from what might be called "Industrial Organic." They only sell their fresh meat, eggs, and other products to individuals and restaurants within 100 miles of their farm in Virginia. Many of the best local restaurants swear by the produce of Polyface Farms and feature them explicitly on the menu.

What makes Polyface Farms so fascinating is the symbiotic systems the farmer uses to manage a complicated but mutually beneficial relationship between different animals and the land. The farmer calls these HOLONS from the Greek word "holos" meaning a "self-contained whole." I'd like to share with you three of the holons from Polyface Farms.

Holon #1: The farmer puts up a portable electric fence around an acre of pastureland and releases the cows for just one day. The cows eat the lush grass and, of course, leave behind lots of cow patties. The next day they are moved to a new acre of land where fresh grass awaits them. Meanwhile, back on the original acre, exactly three days later a portable chicken coop is wheeled up and these truly free range chickens are released to eat bugs. But their very favorite is the nutritious fly larvae that are rapidly developing in the cow patties. Remember, they are also spreading around their nitrogen rich chicken manure over that same acre of pastureland. With a serving of cow manure and a helping of chicken manure, perhaps it is the pastureland that is getting the best meal of all! The whole cycle moves from acre to acre until the whole area is covered, the cows are fat (grass-fed), and the chickens produce eggs so nutritious that there yolks are carrot-colored.

Holon #2: In the winter the cows need to be indoors, in a barn. The farmer lays down a layer of sawdust on the ground. Of course, the cows do their thing and pretty soon the floor is a layer of organic muck. The farmer adds another layer of sawdust and a new secret ingredient - handfuls of corn. Layer after layer, this matting builds up. By the end of the winter, when the cows are released back to the pasture, it can be three feet thick. Then the pigs are let into the barn. Now, keep in mind that this manure and sawdust mixture generates lots of organic heat which ferments the corn embedded in it. Well, if there's anything a pig loves it's alcoholic corn! They begin to root round that barn like mad porcine plows and soon that barn floor is churned into the most incredible compost you have ever seen. This is then placed on the corn field and elsewhere. This holon gives you warm cows, happy pigs, and tall corn.

Holon #3: Rabbits are cute and fuzzy but their pee is toxic. In fact, the ammonia in it is so strong it can scar their own lungs if they are trapped in cages above. There are three stories in this holon. The rabbits live above and the chickens live below, all on a layer of dirt and wood chips which is full of earthworms. The chickens love earthworms and vigorously dig around the wood-chip mixture to find them. This action somehow transforms the toxic rabbit pee (and droppings) into a powerful carbonaceous bedding that the worms thrive in. The chickens are fed. The rabbits are protected. And, the worms are happy (at least until they are unceremoniously plucked from the muck).

Polyface Farms is an interesting place: local produce, completely organic, and animals doing the things that come very naturally to them. I don't know about you, but I think this is the way farming should be done.

3 Things You Should Know About Beethoven

There is no surprise that Ludwig Van Beethoven (1770-1827) is considered to be one of the greatest, if not the greatest, composer of all time. He certainly deserves it. His music still sounds fresh and interesting 200 years later and it's important we understand why.

Fact #1: Beethoven was a motivic composer. This means he would take a small and seemingly ordinary little note pattern (a motive or motif) and create a whole movement (or even a whole symphony) out of that one little idea. By repeating it, expanding it, condensing it, layering it, breaking it, transforming it, turning it upside down, inside out, backwards, etc, Beethoven would create something that was unified and diverse at the same time. One commentator rightly compared it to a mosaic - a beautiful image that is created from similar little chunks of tile. For example, his Fifth Symphony is built on that famous "Da-da-da-dum" motive at the beginning. Such creative genius won him instant recognition which leads us to our next point.

Fact #2: Beethoven was instantly popular, at least as a musician. He was notoriously rude, ill-mannered, and egotistical but the musical elite of Vienna still loved him. This translated to sponsorship. Many struggling musicians must compose pieces for other purposes such as dance music, church music, or requiems for the dead. (For example, Mozart never had a permanent commission). But Beethoven was free to compose as he wished. This leads to our next point.

Fact #3: Beethoven's music was self-expression. Essentially free from financial constraints, Beethoven created a music that was, above all, a unique expression of what was going on in his heart. He had a difficult childhood which included an abusive father. In fact, Beethoven fantasized for years that he was, instead, the illegitimate offspring of a Prussian king. As noted, he had very few social graces and his homes were veritable pig-styes. He was not handsome and did not care about his grooming, hence the now iconic wild hair. But the greatest challenge was his growing deafness. This considerable handicap haunted him and caused him to avoid people even more. Disturbed and isolated, music became Beethoven's therapy, if you will. Indeed, in his music I think you can hear the anger, the sadness, the struggle, the courage, the hope, the triumph, and more. A lesser man might have caved-in, but Beethoven overcame his many challenges, channelled that angst, and forged a body of work like no other.

There is much more to this celebrated composer but these simple observations will begin to help you understand why his music was so unique, innovative, and inspirational. I sense that Mozart is like a fine wine: smooth, refined, appropriate for all occasions. But Beethoven is more like hard liquor: fascinating, often harsh, with a much bigger kick. It's true he stands, historically, between the High Classical style of Mozart and Haydn, and the Romanticism of Mendelssohn, Chopin, and Brahms, but, truly, . . . he stands alone.

White Christmas in Hawaii

I fell in love with and married a woman from Hawaii. Since all her relatives live there, I have been forced to make many trips over the years to these fair isles. Once again, I am obliged to spend this coming Christmas lying on the beach, hiking volcanoes, swimming with sea turtles, and other required activities. But all is not paradise for this mainlander. If there is one thing I've learned during my dozen or so trips to Hawaii, it's this: Hawaiians are strange!

Let's get one thing straight. When I say "Hawaiians" I mean all the local people who live there. Hawaii is a true melting pot, a complex mix of Native Hawaiians, Japanese, Chinese, Koreans, Okinawans, Filipinos, Puerto Ricans, Portuguese, and, believe it or not, quite a few caucasians (called "haoles" (pronounced "how-lees")). Their cultures and languages have mixed, resulting in a unique blend that takes some getting used to. Here's what this haole has learned:

The locals speak a difficult-to-understand dialect called Pidgin (developed so all the different cultures could speak to each other). For example, the phrase "da kine" (kine is pronounced like kind without the "d"), can mean almost anything. It can refer to a person, a place, thing or whatever the local person can't remember. So it is possible a local might say, "She wen da kind foa get da kine foa da kine." This means, "She went to (a place I can't remember) to get (something I can't remember) for (someone I can't remember). Perhaps the Hawaiians need some memory enhancers.

I don't recommend that tourists attempt to speak Pidgin. Believe me, I tried. Sometimes, it can get tricky. If a local says, "Eh, dat Duncan, he so lolo he wen call dat moke one mahu and he wen crack him an now he all bus up." This means, "Duncan foolishly suggested that this large Hawaiian man was a homosexual and he then physically assaulted Duncan beyond recognition." I guess I learned my Pidgin the hard way.

Hawaiian food, overall, is excellent. The first lesson is to not be worried when someone says "OH NO!" when eating. They are actually saying "ono" which means "delicious"!

However, there's a few food mines in the culinary landscape. Take poi. Or, rather, don't take poi. This is a traditional Hawaiian food that is essentially mushed taro root. It's as appetizing as it sounds. They make the tourists try it at luaus and stuff but, here's the secret, even the locals don't like it despite it's purple color and high nutrition.

Here's the funny thing: Hawaiians think SPAM is ono (delicious). SPAM, in this case, is actually a canned Spiced Ham product, although some think SPAM stands for "Something Posing As Meat." Most people in America and Europe remember SPAM as something people had to eat during World War II because there was nothing else edible. Hawaiians actually like it and eat more of it than the entire universe combined. They'll eat it with almost anything - SPAM sandwich, SPAM casserole, SPAM & eggs, etc. The most iconic item is the SPAM musubi, which is a slice of SPAM packed in rice, and, if that were not bad enough, they wrap it in seaweed. (Pretend you like it or they will be very upset with you!)

A big heads up: On the mainland we put "poo poos" in the toilet. In Hawaii, they put them in their mouths! That's right! A pu-pu platter is a tray of hors d'oeuvres that one brings to parties and such. So, don't be put off when the locals ask you to try their delicious "poo-poos" because they are just trying to be hospitable.

The Asian influence on the local Hawaiian culture is very strong. Asian culture emphasizes the importance of the group over the individual. In Hawaii, I have had to learn the art of going "back door" on things. This means getting what you want in a round about way (since being direct is considered very rude). It's funny seeing a group of people try to decide what restaurant to go to because, by that code, no one can push their own opinion strongly. By hint and innuendo, subtle suggestions are floated and tested. Whatever is decided, the important thing is that everyone agrees (even if no one particularly likes the restaurant in question). This is very frustrating to a hungry outspoken individualist like myself. I keep having to remind myself "Different, not wrong! Different, not wrong!"

Well, as you can see, this white man doesn't fit in too well into the Hawaiian milieu. I guess I could try a bit harder to adapt to the Hawaiian culture I find myself in this Christmas, but, frankly, I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

And could someone tell me why everyone here is yelling "Mele Kalikimaka" at me? I'm sure it's something very rude.

Fewer

Everything I was ever taught as a kid about world population was wrong!

Why was that? Well, I grew up in the 60's and 70's and we'd just come off the greatest increase in world population in history. We know it, in this country, as the Baby Boom (1946-1964). It was natural that people would assume that those trends would continue and that our world population would grow exponentially resulting in overpopulation, the loss of precious resources, the ruin of the environment, wars, and more.

Those pundits got it wrong.

Why? Because since the 70’s birthrates have been falling dramatically, all over the world, and this will have profound consequences for everyone, in our lifetime. That's why I'd like to discuss some basics on world population and birthrates, some reasons for falling birthrates, and, most importantly, some consequences of falling birthrates.

3 Basics:

Basic #1: Overview: The world's population has, more or less, been growing continuously since the 1400's and the current population is approximately 6.8 billion people.

Basic #2: Birthrate: In this discussion I will use statistics about the birthrate per woman. So, if I say a country has a birthrate of 3, this means that in that country the average woman has 3 children over her lifetime.

Most demographers consider 2.1 to be the birthrate that allows a population to remain stable. Obviously, if 2 parents have 2 children, they replace themselves. However, you need the .1 more children, average, in order to allow for those children that do not survive to adulthood. 2.1 is an important level. If a country continues to have a birthrate above 2.1 it’s society and its influence will grow. If a country continues to average below 2.1 its soceity and influence will slowly disappear.

Basic #3: Examples: Let’s examine some examples of current birthrates. (Statistics from the 2006 revised United Nations Population Prospects report)

India: (Historically 6-8. Currently . . .) 2.81
USA: 2.05 (and is the only Highly Developed Nation to be near replacement).
United Kingdom: 1.6
Japan: 1.27
World average: 2.55 (and dropping).

So, in general, poorer and less developed countries (e.g Africa, Middle East, Asia) are higher than replacement. Richer and more developed countries (Western Europe, Japan) are below replacement.

The most conservative estimates are that the world population will grow to 8-9 billion people and then fall rapidly.

Why are birthrates falling all over the world? Let’s look at 3 reasons for falling birthrates. (Can you guess?)

3 reasons for falling birthrates:

According to Ben Wattenberg, in his book Fewer, there are a number of reasons for the falling birthrates. I’d like to share 3 of the most important.

Reason #1: Urbanization: According to the Worldwatch Institute’s “State of the World” report, as of 2008 it is estimated that half the world's population lives in cities (especially in poorer countries). On farms, children are an asset. In a city, they are a liability.

Reason #2: Women’s rights: As women in a country are better educated and in the work force they tend to have less children during their lifetime.

Reason #3: Contraception & Abortion: A wider availability of contraception and abortion reduce the number of births.

There are more reasons than this but I think these are the most significant. Let’s finally look at some consequences of a falling birthrate.

3 consequences of falling birthrates:

Consequence #1: Upside down societies: In countries with falling birth rates, a few young people will end up having to take care of a lot of old people. This is illustrated in our own country by the problems with Social Security. It’s much worse in other societies.

Consequence #2: Changing cultures: Can anyone guess what the #1 boy's name in England was last year? Michael? John? William? Nigel? Colin? Andrew? Harry? No, the #1 name for boys in England was Mohamed! With a shrinking native population many European countries are turning to immigration to maintain their work forces. Much of that is coming from the Muslim world. There are parts of London that practice Sharia Law. It is not inconceivable that some countries in Europe will be Islamic Republics in our lifetime. The cultures with high birth rates remain. The ones with low birth rates eventually disappear.

Consequence #3: Economic turmoil: If you ran a business, how would you like the idea of a rapidly shrinking population? The world population has been growing for over 600 years and so we don’t really know what will happen with a falling population. It’s happened at a micro level in certain areas but not a macro level. Imagine what a rapidly falling population would do to schools, housing, transportation, or the food industry. Perhaps over time things will naturally adjust but in the short run there will be economic turmoil.

Conclusion:

As I have hinted, we are going down a road we have not travelled before and no one quite knows what will happen to our world. I am comforted that America seems to be holding steady. That's important to maintain our society and our way of life. I am sure that many of would say that our families are the most important thing in the world to us personally. Well, it turns out they’re important to the world too. Keep up the good work.

I'm Addicted!

With my back troubles, swimming has become my main source of exercise. Naively, I thought that all I'd need to practice this sport was a swimsuit (and that only because of modesty!). Wrong! There is nothing more addicting than swimming paraphernalia. Let me tell you my sad story. 

I quickly realized that goggles were a must, unless I wanted to bang into the walls. So I headed to the local swimming paraphernalia dealers in the area, the seemingly good folk at the Swim Depot. Now, you'd think purchasing a set of goggles would solve my vision issues. Wrong, again! There's the annoying issue of fog. Any swimmer worth his chlorine will work up enough heat to fog up the inside of his or her goggles and then you're banging into walls again. Some swear by spit, but my saliva seems to have limited de-fogging capabilities. So, purchase number two, at the Swim Depot, was a little bottle of de-fogger drops. 

Then, after experiencing plugged ears for several hours after each swim session, I quickly acquired a set of earplugs - the Swim Depot conveniently had several styles to choose from. Now you'd think I'd be set after this, but that's just the nature of addiction. Like many bad habits, it starts with peer pressure. 

I saw other swimmers. These superior athletes seemed to slice through the water like sharks, and they had weird things attached to their bodies. After a few judicious questions, I found out that one thing they had were hand-paddles attached with rubber tubing. These paddles come in all kinds of styles and colors but they all supposedly increase resistance (giving you a better work out) and help encourage better technique. Well, I thought such things were too wonderful for me, so I just watched them jealously for a while until . . . I found some paddles stuck in the drain under the edge of the pool! They just needed new rubber tubing. I couldn't resist trying them out. I later learned that the paddles I found were really ideal for women but what did I care! I was now one of the elites (or at least looked like them). You might notice that this was the only item, so far, for which Swim Depot was not the supplier, although I suspect they may planted them there - a free sample, so to speak.

Like with drugs, you start with something simple and you move to the harder stuff. I now had paddles. These isolate the arms, so most swimmers don't use their legs when they use the paddles. Do you just drag your legs awkwardly through the water? No, you have to get a buoy. A buoy is a piece of foam that you hold between your legs and it keeps your lower body afloat while your paddled arms churn away. Back at the Swim Depot, I found myself shelling out more money for a buoy that was just right for my rather hefty frame. 

So far, I was a regular user of a swimsuit, goggles (with de-fogger), earplugs, hand-paddles, and a (leg) buoy. That was just the beginning. 

If you start using paddles, it's almost impossible to resist the fins. These, of course, do for your legs what the paddles do for your arms. Once again back at the Swim Depot, I checked out a set of fins that were so scientifically sophisticated, I think they had college degrees. I bought them. I couldn't help it, of course. Fins are great fun, too. You can really power through the water. I think I was creating major white water for the poor folk swimming on either side of me! 

Here's my problem. I want to improve as a swimmer. This is fatal if you are trying to kick the swim paraphernalia habit. With the swim snorkel, resistance was futile. 

I remember the first time I saw one. It was like seeing a mythical beast. I had to rub my eyes. In the lane next to me was a man wearing one of the strangest things I'd ever seen. Yes, it looked a little like a great horn, but it rose up seemingly from the middle of his forehead, and arched up and over his head. The amazing thing about this device is that you don't have to do side breathing. It allows you to stare, fixedly, at the bottom of the pool, breathing freely. Like certain addicts, I was soon on the Internet checking things out in the privacy of my own home. I learned that the swim snorkel allows you to focus on the purity of your stroke technique. I couldn't resist, because if there's one thing I now wanted, it was purity. Back to the Swim Depot I went. They were glad to see me, as always. With the swim snorkel, we're talking real money. When you're addicted, you don't think about the money. You just need the fix, and what I craved was breathing freedom.

I can rarely buy just one thing. I forgot to mention that that most people also need a nose plug to go along with the swimming snorkel otherwise you tend to suck water up your nostrils. Thankfully, the Swim Depot has these as well. They are very accommodating. 

To cap it all off, I had to get a cap. There are two reasons for this. First, when I swim, I seemingly have 10 pounds of swim equipment strapped tightly to my head and the cap provides a thin layer of cushioning. And, my increasingly bald head needs protection from the frequent Southern California sunshine, so the cap is helpful there too. Drug dealers often try to hang out near schools to get kids started on these vile habits. In the case of the cap, I found the Swim Depot had set up a convenient booth right outside the pool where I usually swim. (I think there was a big meet that weekend). I felt compelled to buy a cap. I had a choice between the cheaper cap or the better quality, long-lasting one. By now, I was fully addicted and nothing but the best would do. Swim Depot, once again, was benefiting from my lack of self-control. 

Let's count: 1. Swimsuit, 2. goggles (with de-fogger bottle), 3.  two earplugs, 4.  two hand-paddles, with tubing, 5. leg buoy, 6.  two fins, 7. swim snorkel, 8. nose plug, 9. swim cap. If I am counting correctly, I could potentially wear 12 pieces of individual equipment in the water, if I wore every little bit. 

That's just when I'm in the water. But there's more stuff I don't even use in the water. My swimming sessions would be intolerable without the following: a water bottle, my timing watch, my large Nike swim bag (a gift from my wife, so she's co-dependent), my net-bag for wet items, my extra tubing (in case the ones in my hand-paddles break), sun lotion, a padlock for my locker, my flip-flops, and the various toiletry items, towels (a super shammy, no less), and the clothes I need for showering and changing afterwards. I even have back-up goggles and swimsuit in case something happens to my usual ones. 

All I wanted, at the beginning, was an effective way to exercise. Little did I know I was being drawn, inexorably, to a full-blown swim paraphernalia addiction. It has cost me time. It has cost me money. It has cost me much of my dignity (see above). And, can you believe it, Swim Depot has denied all wrong doing.