Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Tricked! (Warning: an honest discussion of underpants may include material that is offensive to some. Please read with care).

I have recently grown quite fond of colored underwear. Having worn white briefs all my life, I thought I should do something different, especially because they are frequently on display. That's right! Ever since I joined my Masters Swim Club, changing in a locker room is a necessity and thus my undergarments are silently evaluated from time to time. (Brings back bad high school memories, doesn't it?) And, for me, the "tighty-whities" are vaguely embarrassing but colored underwear is very cool, and I found a very acceptable variety pack at the local Target store (featuring various blue, grey, and black options) and I purchased them. I am sure my swim-mates were quietly impressed.

Meanwhile, some of my older "tighty-whities" were getting worse-for-wear and I was "retiring" them regularly. Eventually, my underwear supplies got so low that I was running out of clean skivvies before the week-end laundry could refresh them. So, obviously, I need new ones and if I got new ones, I was going to get even more colored ones.

So, I trustingly went back to Target and found the underwear section, which was, thankfully, full of underpants but free of people. I began to inspect the various wears. Great to my surprise, they did not have my colored briefs in stock. Oh, no! What was I going to get? I need to say here that I am not a fan of boxers. There is a lot of unofficial PR trying to make boxers very cool but I don't support the "boxer" option because, frankly, they don't support me. Now there are some hybrids, boxer briefs, for example, but those are just too weird and what's the point! Then my eye caught a new product I had never seen before - Sporting Briefs. This was promising! They were colored, and, although I'm no superstar, I think I deserve an underpant that matches my active lifestyle. So, I bought them and brought them into my home.

A few days later, it was time to break open this new purchase. I chose one with a fancy blue checker-board design and put them on. I immediately sensed something was wrong but I couldn't put my finger on it at first. They were comfortable. They were supportive. They fit. Then I noticed! There was no fly! Was this going to be a problem? I don't know about you other gentlemen, but I don't really use the fly on my underpants, ever, but I was used to always having that as an option, should some special occasion arise. Reluctantly, I decided I could live with out the fly.

Next, I noticed that these Sporting Briefs were cut very high on the sides (like a Speedo swimsuit). Of course, these were obviously underpants for very active people, like me, and they needed to have a certain freedom of movement in the hip area. So, I guess that was OK.

As I was considering these various new developments, my wife walked in on me. "Wow," she said, "you bought panties!" Yes! It was true! It all added up now - colorful patterns, no fly, a "V" cut design- I had been tricked into buying male panties! Oh! The humiliation!

After the initial shock wore off, I grew to accept my feminized underpants. And I think my locker-room friends have too, because they haven't said a thing, at least not to my face.

8 comments:

Carolyn Teas said...

Funniest thing ever!

Michelle said...

I don't even know what to say to this...uh, interesting first blog for me to read!

Anonymous said...

Maybe you can say TMI.

Lacey said...

Loved your article on your underpants. As an active person myself, I have never thought about changing my underwear. I may do just that.

Duncan Parlett said...

Lacey, I hope you change your underwear every day!

Barb said...

Was a great laugh! I don't think I have laughed that much in a long time!

Austin Explorer said...

Adds new meaning to the term "no-fly zone". All-day Speedos!

Ross D said...

As you point out Duncan, underwear options have expanded greatly in the many years since we were teens (Ok, we may not have been teens in the same decade, but it was in the same century) anyway, I'm sure that for you, like me, our teenage years are when we established our underwear wearing habits, habits that can be slow to change. But the new underwear offers some great improvements.

I too have recently switched underwear, I now wear the "boxer brief" style; similar to "compression shorts." They are great for hiking because they reduce between the thigh chafing! After much investigation I've concluded that Under Armour's boxer brief is the 'gold standard' model; a synthetic blend (no cotton) essential for extended outdoor wear and available in three different lengths. A similar brief is available at Target from Champion; it is a very reasonable knock off at half the price, they also have a cotton blend version suitable for city wear. All models have a very flat waist band - essential when wearing while carrying a backpack with a waist belt!

Lastly, and of significance (though I don't use it either) is that these briefs have a fly!