Friday, May 27, 2011

Attack of the Lattes!

I have noticed a very disturbing trend: People attacking lattes. And the worst part is that these are well-intentioned individuals - those making financial appeals.

Typically, the attack takes this kind of form:

"Here's a very worthy cause (fill in a favorite worthy cause). All you have to do is donate a mere $15 a month to support it." (And, then, here's the justification). "Think of it as just giving up a latte each week."

I don't know how many times I've heard financial appeals in terms of lattes. I want to know, why do they attack lattes? Why don't they attack things that really are a waste, like bank fees. "Give $15/month. Think of it like paying your credit card on time and avoiding interest fees!" Or, how about movie popcorn? For a family of 4 you're talking $50 for popcorn and drinks. Talk about a extravagance!

And, the truth is, I don't want to give up my lattes! My hot-caffeinated beverages are very important to me! Life without lattes is not worth living, even if charities around the world go belly-up. First of all, it's a comforting ritual: Ah! The smell of coffee beans as I enter the shop in the morning; The nuanced beverage order, as the barista gives me a nod and a smile, noting my sophisticated choices; There's the pride as they yell out, " Venti Vanilla Latte, half-caf, 140 degrees, extra shot of espresso, for Duncan." I imagine everyone in the coffee shop is thinking, "Man, that guy knows how to order coffee (and perhaps, "I'm never going to name my kid Duncan")!"; I like adding the soothing spice, cinnamon; And then there's that first sip as the hot comforting liquid warms the body and, perhaps, even the soul.

Dear Mr. fund-raiser, are you saying you want to take all this away from me? Well, then, you are just plain mean. I'll give you $15/month, or more, if you just stop the attack of the lattes!

Further, the boost in productivity that my caffeinated beverage produces in me must translate into greater earnings in the long run, I'm sure. I'll give the extra to charity, already. I'll sell a pint of blood if I have to; Just keep away from my lattes! Trust me, the world will be better off for it.

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